Posted February 16, 2022 in Articles
Parents and teachers can create an environment where adopted children learn, grow, and thrive.
Every student brings a unique story into the classroom, with their past experiences heavily influencing how they learn. This is especially true for 14% of Lawrence’s current student body who joined their families through adoption. As a school community, we are committed to embracing their journeys and partnering with parents to create a learning environment where adopted children thrive.
Lawrence School trustee and alumni parent Dr. Elaine Schulte is one of the nation’s leading experts on adoption medicine and an adoptive parent herself. She serves as vice-chair for academic affairs and faculty development at the Children's Hospital at Montefiore and is the author of Caring for Your Adopted Child: An Essential Guide for Parents. In a presentation to the Lawrence community, Dr. Schulte stressed that embracing an adopted child’s journey is key to fostering growth—both at school and home. Here are five ways teachers and parents can do just that!
1) Form a strong home and school partnership.
Adopted children have an increased likelihood of being diagnosed with learning and attention disorders. Signs of these differences may present as challenging behavior in the home. Sometimes this is simply an adopted child’s way of reacting to their new environment; but it can also be their way of telling parents they are struggling.
Many adopted children also develop coping mechanisms to work through their past experiences. In the classroom, some of these mechanisms can actually mimic the signs of dyslexia, ADHD, and other learning differences.
For these reasons and many more, it’s vital teachers and adoptive parents come together to share observations. And when a concern surfaces, that strong home and school partnership will lead to the best outcomes. Says Dr. Schulte, “That's our job as parents and educators—to support the child and find solutions.”
2) Keep the lines of communication open.
Open communication is essential to creating a nurturing classroom or home. Adopted children will express their feelings and ask questions—feeling safe to do so with trusted adults is both healthy and important for growth.
When it comes to tough conversations about emotions or a child’s history, Dr. Schulte says parents don’t need to share everything at once, but should always keep conversations flowing in an age-appropriate way. When a child doesn’t want to talk, asking open-ended questions is one way to prompt them. If a first attempt at talking doesn’t lead to anything, Dr. Schulte suggests trying again a few weeks later.
3) Empower children to set boundaries.
It may be 2022, but adopted children still sometimes contend with negative or ignorant comments about their background. Questions about past experiences can be painful, even from the most well-intentioned person. Empower adopted children to set their own boundaries in regards to information sharing. Dr. Schulte suggests using the W.I.S.E. Up!® Method. When they’re facing an uncomfortable question or new situation, they can:
Adults should also be mindful they are using adoption-sensitive language. Avoid terms like real parent, given away, and was adopted. Instead, use phrases such as birth parent, adopted child, and is adopted.
4) Be flexible and always celebrate the good!
Physical and mental health impact every learner, but adopted children also bring a unique set of emotional needs into the classroom. When they have trouble socially or academically, they often wonder if it’s related to their adoption. In fact, Dr. Schulte says one of the most frequent questions children ask her is: Do I learn differently because I’m adopted?
It’s imperative adopted students are offered a flexible learning environment because their classroom challenges can shift more frequently than their peers. And if they do something great, celebrate it! Adopted children showcase their potential every day, and acknowledging their achievements goes a long way.
5) Focus on developing close bonds.
Dr. Schulte says she sees “so many kids come out of early adversity who go beyond what you would ever imagine. That’s possible because of the relationships they have.”
Developing close bonds — between parents and children, students and teachers — can change the trajectory of an adopted child’s life. So, offer support, keep communication open, and embrace their journeys—it’s supportive, loving relationships that ultimately lead the way to their happiness and success.